Hotter Than July It is All Ready.

http://forecast.weather.gov/MapClick.php?CityName=Hermiston&state=OR&site=PDT&textField1=45.8406&textField2=-119.288&e=0

Sitting and sweating almost like an Inipi experience. maybe my friend is right only the sick and the possessed should try too much heat. The corn is happy as a Bixby farmer in Tulsa.
Limeade sounds real good right now.
Now I know one reason the speaking in tongues phenomena persists. Its just a mild heat stroke.
Check out this week end's Bartcop.com blog, he's got the pulse of some of the nation no one seems to be right correct or moving easily. Take a break .

Questions for Senator Merkeley

This was what I asked about yesterday. Today, the Oregonian newspaper(sic), said the single payer "Oregon/Wyden Option" is "Too Radical ". I heard the losers complain about higher taxes and socialism Lions tigers and bears Oh My!
I heard Rep Walden this morning on the radio state that single payer health care is “off the table” yet a substantial majority over 90% of Democrats support some system to cover 45 million Americans with no access to a regular dr and preventive/wellness programs offered through HMOs.
We spend more by far per capita yet 18-20k people die prematurely due to poor medical access and/or no insurance.
At one point in our history medicine was a sacred practice, Now money trumps ethics and hence injustice results.
Senator Merkeley, can you tell me why Senator Baucus left no seats for anyone representing those 45 million people in the Senate ways and means committee meeting on health care finance? Anyone who did ask these questions was arrested. Senator Baucus and Grassley made a joking matter in fact, I watched the video. This is no laughing matter. Where is the shared sacrifice from the fats cats who sit on the boards of the medical and pharmaceutical corporations? Why can’t medi-care be extended to all Americans?
When will we have national parity laws for mental/nervous disorders?

Two Gigs One Day

Today I woke up early for the Farmer's market. My friend plays trumpet, trombone, and flugelhorn. He sings also but is not as serious as I am about it though he is a bit serious about most everything else.
We have had two gigs as a duo since I have moved back into this place. The video is up from this morning.We made money and now I have paid my saxophone repair bill.
The sight of an old neighbor and two classmates made my day.
Tonight with 6 people making music it became tense as we added another person to sing. I would rather just use a piano than try to use the rhythm attachment but I don't play much bass or treble for that matter so I have no point except that I had to check myself and keep myself grounded and as simple as things are I still can't do everything> It's a lot just to play in a bar after 2 years away from Beckett's.
I had many flashbacks. My own old ways only prevented by a good diet and the understnding which comes after asking for just that. I don't remember being angry or rude , it just was interpreted as such. and my nature was not as i seemed.
I felt the love. Others poisoned by fear ignorance and hunger saw their own story played out. My own has been one of dependence. It is not out of weakness but as a result of many compromises and sacrifices i have made to remain in my domain playing. Now I have to ask once more if the music goes on then i need help.It shall remain as there in Cali, here I also may need the help of others.

6-15-09

Mom left a Jackson on the dining room table. I picked it up and asked, "I this for gas?" She said, Yes, and while you're in Pendleton, Check at safeway and see how much gas costs there." It's her way of makng sure all the routes are covered.
I left for Pendleton, the county seat, the same one famous for woolen apparel rodeo and its fine Community College. I popped in a cassette I had "randomly" chosen frm the box of tapes I never edited or transferred to cd or mp3 or threw away. Now is their sterling moment as i revive the dialogues that formed some of my present philosophies. Jack Kornfeld and Michael Tom speaking of compassion.
I was on time as I hit the freeway interchange 3 miles from home. I saw and picked up a hitch-hiker, something I hadn't done for a long time, since I had given my car away to the City of San Francisco in May of 2000 the same week I graduated from college the last time around.The HHer looked and talked about mid to late forties, jobless, homeless, and in the last 16 months his four closest and most dependable friends had all died of natural causes if you drink and smoke too much naturally.
We talked about what had happened to him and to the nation we didn't really get around to the world it was only 20 minutes. He complained about his bad back and how he had an xray years ago and the intervertebral discs were already deteriorating aka bone on bone in lumbar land. He also said sleeping on the ground was hard and he woke up when he rolled over.
I talked about how we were robbed by the savings and loan scandal and then the stock market and then the war and then there was AIG all dogs all the time. He started to ask me for a hand out as I stopped to let him out by the exit. I had heard so many people asking for help in Golden Gate Park just two weeks ago. It didn't feel any different except he looked just like me.I slipped him a 10 and wished him peace. I am 800 miles away but the same dukka are here. A promise of a job in another state. It beats begging when everyone looks like you. At the gas station, a young man looking more the Haight hippie apparently out of his element with a sign "stupid and ugly fill me up". I hope he gets awayfrom here without any problems. A sense of humor can be a dangerous thing.
Up at Harvard on the Hill, Blue U, aka Blue Mountain CC I walked into Morrow Hall to be advised as to my predicament. My non-challenged course work is only 4 classes to finish my pre-requisites for nursing school. But here all the classes are full until next year. None of them is being offered except by one instructor who can choose whether or not to add another unit of Chem 104.Or microbiology.
Its my own deficits in Mathematics that hinder my entry into nursing school. But plan c may develop into plan d soon.

Oregon Grapes

My arrival in Oregon from Cali was a relief and then it hit me after 10 years south and 6 years in the relationship I have no gig, no partner, no stepchildren, and no place to spread out until I get all the former tenant(my brother) shite outta heya.
I am raw now with only a a daily ration of chores to take me away from my existential angst and general anger at being treated like a queer and a deadbeat. I found the bottom line was there is only a bottom line.
I needed to go away a long time ago. I was afraid of appearing lost or a failure but how could I succeed with someone who is so insensitive to my needs and desires as to want me to strive for their success as they ignore my life.
I am not sure if I will ever have a balanced relationship. I only know I could no longer bear the agony of a loveless isolated life in a "family" not my own and not of my choosing.
Nor could I bear the life of being a parent to someone who only wants me out and yet be blamed for leaving.
Its shame when things don't work out. Sadder still to pretend you're happy when you are miserable. I have been miserable for so long I forgot to ask for help. This time it was almost too late.I hope someone reads this. I have given up hope having anyone understand me.

Gratitude

I am up early today. My anatomy and physiology has a special field trip planned for this morning. To the morgue to winess an autopsy, that is if anyone died overnight. In Alameda County which is the Easy Bay area of CA. which takes in Oakland, Berkeley, San Leandro, Dublin, and Livermore.
I am grateful on this day of death awareness. For the living and the dead who have provided the resources to make my life easier and more creative.
Even the Mike Malloy Show which I have not heard in a couple weeks is a wonderful thing, if you want to hear the truth. The secret is not to dwell on the shadow and to see it as a whole.
a hole a funny assed hole in the universe, where I try to fit my versionof the NOW. Here and now
Thanks Aldous. one ancestor of many here and now. in that funny assed hole the white hole in time which is now over yet never leaves as the breath comes and flows.
The sun giver of life. the waters the universal wisdom of hydrogen.
Here and now I feel alive. Thank you Goddess.
Thank. you teachers. Even the ones i did not invite to the university.
Hold me now in eternal nowness.
here and now.
Gratitude flows intention ripens .

Rats Reject Wall Street Journal

My pet rats(Stella and Hyphy) get a newspaper strip confetti shower after I clean their cage periodically. I usually use the local free daily or weekly edition for the stuff they use to feather their nests. I found a copy of the "special business edition" of the WSJ on the BART and brought it home. After three days, they have left it alone. I have two theories why: one is basic the inks are different and the smell is foreign to them, the second more akin to a conspiracy, that the rats know when something is so evil and comes from another rat so offensive racist and specieist that they even have the moral character to resist associating their household with thieves and liars such as Rupert Murdoch and the vast right wing media empire. Maybe its not rat shit I smell but the "new world odor". Smells like swine poo to me...