IDF Finds Colbert's Rectum in Gaza

In the course of searching Gaza for terrorists, IDF forces have discovered Stephen Colbert's rectum which he has allegedly stated to be in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. "We saw his rectum and immediately called for drone support. This ass was too much for ground forces to "reckon" with," said IDF spokesman Ira Glass of Tel Aviv. A representative for the Colbert Report declined making a statement, but did remark that Mr Colbert's rectum is definitely still "up there" in Windsor. City of Windsor,Ontario Mayor-----, who asked to remain anonymous, stated "We are very concerned that terrorists will be targeting us for allegedly providing a sanctuary for the Colbert rectum." He continued," We are not nor have we ever been the protectors of the rectum of Stephen Colbert and let me state emphatically,the city of Windsor is absolutely not the rectum of the planet earth."

Mental Health Out West

Today PEN holds its' annual "Suicide Walk." 18 year-old boys like to die in Eastern Oregon because its a man's world here. None of that pussy-man shit. You fight a lot, you drink a lot preferably as a binge drinker and you are a patriot who likes guns, girls, and God. God sometimes does not bless the young man with a job which can earn a girl, a gun, and God's grace. So they take the gun and make sure no one knows that they are afraid to say they are depressed feeling hopeless and have no one to turn to.The adults have also been downsized and sent back to school to "re-tool" for jobs that do not exist.The youth who are called lazy no-good for not accepting dead-end jobs and certain indebtedness to "gain" a "life". The land is owned the schools are filled with "educators" who cannot possibly keep up with current technologies and trends so the graduates achieve meaningless degrees for jobs that are easily exported and soon will be automated. So the dream is dead. This is what is killing us slowly and predictably. The weak ones who can't bear the oppression in the workplace/unemployed/underemployed serfitude(sic)find suicide to be a very tempting option. Endless hopelessness coupled with the finger pointing we see every generation against the new one. We have socialism for the disabled the aged and the wealthy but not for medicine and mental health and this is why Condon loses a child each year. The only thing that separates us from SF besides population density is a nice bridge to jump off. We have plenty of guns and pesticides if ammo gets too expensive. The happy hunting grounds are the killing fields of our youth who are told they will have to accept minimum wages as a fact of life as the Waltons gather$21k a minute in profits and we pay $420K for each Walmart store for food stamps for the low-paid employees. I am not walking today. A futile gesture in a land where youth is cheap and life is for the taking.The blame also rides on the APA who has no programs for rural mental health. It is no wonder the rates of suicide reflects economics and the denial of the suffering in our society. Emmett Smith died and all BMCC got was a toll-free number with no back-up of services. Ask and the world says, "sorry". We worry about inheritance taxes. What are we inheriting by allowing medicine to give eastern Oregon the middle finger?