Waltz Inside

A waltz, one that only happens on Saturday night in Fargo ND
Plays incessantly in my head like a broken juke box in Hell, Montana
Stomp stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger

Pulling me into the vortex my inner black hole somewhere as vast as the whole universe
Inside just to the left of the Milky Way and Jupiter deep to the umbilicus
Stomp stagger stagger Stomp! Stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger

High Tide gets higher the deserts get drier. Throw out the lifeline someone is sinking away
Deeper and deeper I go into the enteric plexus dancing on a quite familiar dendrite
Stomp Stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger Stomp stagger stagger

Inside cold Cement steel and aluminum ? Gray cinder block painted another shade of gray InsideAllied with phospholipid crusted cell outside the crepuscular clouds of near Solistice
Stomp Stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger Stomp stagger stagger

Here, eat the apple. It looks good. It makes me feel the cold and I am out of coffee.
Oh bother return I must in case of disaster hypothermia if it isn’t a quake its neuropathy
Stomp Stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger Stomp stagger stagger

I am shaking yet there is nothing there nothing tangible Are there ghosts in this bano?
No crowds of children smiling or otherwise around yet the amygdala sends out an alert
Stomp Stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger Stomp stagger stagger

Who is going to save us? From what he has done? Who is the decider? Who has won?
The door is blocked it opens a little. I grab and pull it shut. “Someone’s in there.”
Stomp Stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger someone’s in here
Stomp stagger stagger Stomp stagger stagger depths have not cleared

Missed the Church of Parker Wallace today. A Rain out in Oaksterdam
There is an uhhhhhhh known unknown of profundity down there
Stomp Stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger stomp stagger stagger Stomp stagger stagger

Existential Baptist Mural

As we were taking some stuff we can't use or fit into our humble apartment to a consignment shop. I spied this wonderful art inspired by the Roman crucifixion of Jesua of Nazareth. On the sidewalk was a sign announcing the existential definition Who am I? What am I doing here? Where am I going? Except they left out the question marks...Why????
Which is a good way to make a fella worrisome about hell or missing out on a good condo deal or having too much time on their hands. The preacher had many things to do to take ones mind off of the subject of destiny or salvation or sin and death. The cross seems to underscore the need to OBEY. or BURN. this is my first attempt at my religious doctrinal evolution.
At the cross at the cross
where I first saw the light
and the burden of my sins rolled away.

Heck, you can get a really good deal on a rollaway just across the street from Calvary.
Now that's service.Gawd Bless America!

Rain really F**** Me Up

Here and now I am sad and angry about life. The world as we know it(sic) is a troubled and dangerous place. Especially for pussies and wimps like myself.A real man would fight for his life his place and his honor(sic). Me,, on the other hand am content to suck up and take the abuse that is a result of my own failures and weaknesses. The depression which, according to my partner, is my own design my own creation and my own defense against happiness. I guess I would be happy and content if only I would just see how wonderful life is to the unjaded. I am not in that category. I have lost my way only to be rescued by someone who really really really loves me but who denies my feelings and my emotional well-being in the process. If i have a home i should by default be happy just to have a place to sleep, even if I do not sleep well. I am free to be denied my true feelings are real. Geejus this is just like my family of origin. They also think I am an emotional idiot. So after attempting to find a true bearing in this life, I have walked away from my partner's anger at me for not accepting my own sense of fear and anxiety over the present state of affairs. Its gray out today. The rain really makes me sad. I left anyway because I do not want to argue about what I have and where it is stored. Do I use it every day? No so it needs to go. Maybe i need to go also falling further away from myself or expect to be understood/accepted. I am not the reason you are angry at me. You are not the reason I am angry at myself. I will not waste my time trying to replace your ex in mind and body(sic). I only have a very short time to live, though with you it seems like an eternity. Stop saying you love me. I don't believe it and it makes me sick to try to think you have to lie about who I am. Lie no more I am crazy sad angry and me. don't like it? stop telling me you love me