Generosity

One of the perfections is generosity. I know of one organization, The Salvation Army does many things for those who have fallen under the bus, as the last bus is pulling out of the station. Most of the people served, I found out, are women with children. Imagine that, helping homeless poor people. Some who have recently come to his country seeking a place to build a home and perhaps,if they are lucky, raise a family. We are not all born free. In fact this is all a lie. We go against the grain by being generous.Mr Greed is not a a character in a Dickens story.Greed is the emotion of fear the Tibetans call hungry ghosts. These emotions eat our minds of compassion and replace them with attachment, one of the things leading to suffering. Generosity, at the intial look, seems something for foundations and others who have enough abundance to practice. This is an incorrect view. The mind of poverty is the mind of fear. Capitalism creates the urges to only accumulate and not to give. The SA, as I was saying, is a refuge for those wrecked by the fallacy that all are created equal. They provide housing rehabilitation from alcohol drugs and abuse. They re-educate and provide literacy and ESL training for first generation immigrants. How they do this is a faith-based. But the root(mission statement) of the organization is charity aka generosity. I know we are all awash with requests for donations, this time of year even more. Generosity is built into religion as tithing in dining as tipping. It is engrained because it is going against the grain or nature of the hungry ghosts lurking on the fear circuit and going beyond these obligatory expressions of generosity is a way of saying to the universe," I have enough, Thank You Very Much."
I put my music tips in the Bellringer can yesterday as I left Walmart and I told the girl, "I am glad you are here." I recognized my blessings. I have enough if I accept it. It takes a little time but it is a choice as to accepting your grace or to feel envy at another's wealth or contempt for another's poverty, addiction, or illness.
Equanimity and generosity work hand in hand. Hand over your blessed currency.

Winter's first chill Fall's last offerings

I am in school again after a long summer of adjustment after 10 years in the Bay area. I have made new friends and renewed old friendships. I am singing more now after two years away from the gigs with Nikki and the girls culminating with our trio of me Jenny Lane and Nikki. In those two years I got the rare opportunity to play hard jazz with a very great man and artist, Vince Wallace. I am not sure if I will ever play with him again, though I wish to always be "ready for NYC" if the call comes to me.
Yesterday,I rode my bicycle out to the Umatilla River. There is a new park there built since my father died in 1995 which was the last time I spent much time here. On the edge of the river in the park there is a grove of nettles, yes, stinging nettles, the kind that makes welts if they get to sting you. I collected a large bag of leaves for tea and for cooking and a smaller bag of aerial parts for my daily tonic for rhinitis.
I also finally decanted a St John's Wort/olive oil tincture I started the summer with after gathering dancing and singing as I picked the herbs and the wild flowers halfway through a 20 miles bike ride. I would later put the wort in olive oil and leave in the sun to make a soothing ointment for the frigid months ahead.This summer I also gathered and prepared tinctures of yarrow, mullein, dandelion, nettles,cactus flowers, astragulus, and burdock.
The roses and all the flowers not under the eaves have started to wilt. I have one rose I have covered with 5 buds still not opened. The last rose to open was so beautiful. It's in the kitchen by the sink right now. Two cabbages I nursed all summer finally started growing in earnest in late August. I have them covered but I am not sure if there will be much more growing to be had as the sun gets lower on the horizon.
I am now playing in three musical groups, karaoke jazz with a brass guy, a variety band of 5 and a country rock band of 6, all with the same brass guy. Not Vinnie Wallace but at least its indoors and more than once a week. Having my family back for better or worse is fine. They know me,and so far, haven't filed papers on me. I have a place to practice and a place to play. What more could a guy like me ask for? Good medicine and good friends to listen. I am grateful for all these things.Did mention I wrote one new song? I had forgotten about it. It was on my trip to SF after the long summer.
Riding my bicycle through the Haight was enough to inspire "The Goddess is Here!"
I am getting beter. Not that there aren't some challenging days, but I have laughed again for the first time in a long time.
Someone wants me healthy. Their wish in mine also.
Namaste.

Hotter Than July It is All Ready.

http://forecast.weather.gov/MapClick.php?CityName=Hermiston&state=OR&site=PDT&textField1=45.8406&textField2=-119.288&e=0

Sitting and sweating almost like an Inipi experience. maybe my friend is right only the sick and the possessed should try too much heat. The corn is happy as a Bixby farmer in Tulsa.
Limeade sounds real good right now.
Now I know one reason the speaking in tongues phenomena persists. Its just a mild heat stroke.
Check out this week end's Bartcop.com blog, he's got the pulse of some of the nation no one seems to be right correct or moving easily. Take a break .

Questions for Senator Merkeley

This was what I asked about yesterday. Today, the Oregonian newspaper(sic), said the single payer "Oregon/Wyden Option" is "Too Radical ". I heard the losers complain about higher taxes and socialism Lions tigers and bears Oh My!
I heard Rep Walden this morning on the radio state that single payer health care is “off the table” yet a substantial majority over 90% of Democrats support some system to cover 45 million Americans with no access to a regular dr and preventive/wellness programs offered through HMOs.
We spend more by far per capita yet 18-20k people die prematurely due to poor medical access and/or no insurance.
At one point in our history medicine was a sacred practice, Now money trumps ethics and hence injustice results.
Senator Merkeley, can you tell me why Senator Baucus left no seats for anyone representing those 45 million people in the Senate ways and means committee meeting on health care finance? Anyone who did ask these questions was arrested. Senator Baucus and Grassley made a joking matter in fact, I watched the video. This is no laughing matter. Where is the shared sacrifice from the fats cats who sit on the boards of the medical and pharmaceutical corporations? Why can’t medi-care be extended to all Americans?
When will we have national parity laws for mental/nervous disorders?

Two Gigs One Day

Today I woke up early for the Farmer's market. My friend plays trumpet, trombone, and flugelhorn. He sings also but is not as serious as I am about it though he is a bit serious about most everything else.
We have had two gigs as a duo since I have moved back into this place. The video is up from this morning.We made money and now I have paid my saxophone repair bill.
The sight of an old neighbor and two classmates made my day.
Tonight with 6 people making music it became tense as we added another person to sing. I would rather just use a piano than try to use the rhythm attachment but I don't play much bass or treble for that matter so I have no point except that I had to check myself and keep myself grounded and as simple as things are I still can't do everything> It's a lot just to play in a bar after 2 years away from Beckett's.
I had many flashbacks. My own old ways only prevented by a good diet and the understnding which comes after asking for just that. I don't remember being angry or rude , it just was interpreted as such. and my nature was not as i seemed.
I felt the love. Others poisoned by fear ignorance and hunger saw their own story played out. My own has been one of dependence. It is not out of weakness but as a result of many compromises and sacrifices i have made to remain in my domain playing. Now I have to ask once more if the music goes on then i need help.It shall remain as there in Cali, here I also may need the help of others.

6-15-09

Mom left a Jackson on the dining room table. I picked it up and asked, "Is this for gas?" She said, "Yes, and while you're in Pendleton, Check at Safeway and see how much gas costs there." It's her way of making sure all the routes are covered.
I left for Pendleton, the county seat, the same one famous for woolen apparel rodeo and its fine Community College. I popped in a cassette I had "randomly" chosen frm the box of tapes I never edited or transferred to cd or mp3 or threw away. Now is their sterling moment as i revive the dialogues that formed some of my present philosophies. Jack Kornfeld and Michael Tom speaking of compassion.
I was on time as I hit the freeway interchange 3 miles from home. I saw and picked up a hitch-hiker, something I hadn't done for a long time, since I had given my car away to the City of San Francisco in May of 2000 the same week I graduated from college the last time around.The HHer looked and talked about mid to late forties, jobless, homeless, and in the last 16 months his four closest and most dependable friends had all died of natural causes if you drink and smoke too much naturally.
We talked about what had happened to him and to the nation we didn't really get around to the world it was only 20 minutes. He complained about his bad back and how he had an xray years ago and the intervertebral discs were already deteriorating aka bone on bone in lumbar land. He also said sleeping on the ground was hard and he woke up when he rolled over.
I talked about how we were robbed by the savings and loan scandal and then the stock market and then the war and then there was AIG all dogs all the time. He started to ask me for a hand out as I stopped to let him out by the exit. I had heard so many people asking for help in Golden Gate Park just two weeks ago. It didn't feel any different except he looked just like me.I slipped him a 10 and wished him peace. I am 800 miles away but the same dukka are here. A promise of a job in another state. It beats begging when everyone looks like you. At the gas station, a young man looking more the Haight hippie apparently out of his element with a sign "stupid and ugly fill me up". I hope he gets awayfrom here without any problems. A sense of humor can be a dangerous thing.
Up at Harvard on the Hill, Blue U, aka Blue Mountain CC I walked into Morrow Hall to be advised as to my predicament. My non-challenged course work is only 4 classes to finish my pre-requisites for nursing school. But here all the classes are full until next year. None of them is being offered except by one instructor who can choose whether or not to add another unit of Chem 104.Or microbiology.
Its my own deficits in Mathematics that hinder my entry into nursing school. But plan c may develop into plan d soon.

Oregon Grapes

My arrival in Oregon from Cali was a relief and then it hit me after 10 years south and 6 years in the relationship I have no gig, no partner, no stepchildren, and no place to spread out until I get all the former tenant(my brother) shite outta heya.
I am raw now with only a a daily ration of chores to take me away from my existential angst and general anger at being treated like a queer and a deadbeat. I found the bottom line was there is only a bottom line.
I needed to go away a long time ago. I was afraid of appearing lost or a failure but how could I succeed with someone who is so insensitive to my needs and desires as to want me to strive for their success as they ignore my life.
I am not sure if I will ever have a balanced relationship. I only know I could no longer bear the agony of a loveless isolated life in a "family" not my own and not of my choosing.
Nor could I bear the life of being a parent to someone who only wants me out and yet be blamed for leaving.
Its shame when things don't work out. Sadder still to pretend you're happy when you are miserable. I have been miserable for so long I forgot to ask for help. This time it was almost too late.I hope someone reads this. I have given up hope having anyone understand me.